Waking up Daddy in the morning
If you would have asked me before Liam was born whether I would consider co-sleeping, I would have given you a firm ‘NO WAY’. I was totally against co-sleeping, attachment and dependency in a child/mother relationship. I wanted an independent, non clingy and non needy baby, and thus I was all for schedules and disciplined sleep. I have such a strong memory of being in Buy Buy Baby doing some baby shopping (this was when we lived in the States, and Liam was not yet born), and seeing this couple buy a co-sleeper. I had never heard of such a thing, but as soon as I understood what it was I remember my reaction being beyond negative. I was judgemental of this couple, thinking that they would spoil their child and ruin their personal lives. I couldn’t understand how someone could knowingly create problems and difficulties for themselves and their children.
Very early in motherhood, you come to the stark realisation that not everything goes to 
plan, or, more correct, plans change. Well this was the case with my baby and I. Up until 6 months Liam had pretty much alternated between his cot, and a portacot. We were undergoing major renovations in our house and so his sleeping situation was never really predictable. One night we would sleep in our house, the other in my parents, and we basically alternated between these two places. It was a total nightmare and couldn’t have been easy on my poor baby who was forced to deal with all these unsettling changes, the loud noise from the builders, the dust, and the workmen constantly walking though our house. No wonder he struggled to sleep or stay asleep.
Let’s fast forward to when Liam was around 6 months old. We finally moved back into our almost finished house (the house took a year to completely finish!!). Liam’s room had been the last one painted, and it still had a strong smell to it. There was no way he could sleep in his room with that stench. We had left his portacot at my parent’s house, and so it was suggested by my mother-in-law (who was visiting from Israel) to let him sleep with us in our bed. We thought about it, and came to the conclusion that a couple of nights wouldn’t do any harm.
The first night Liam slept with us was incredible! We all loved it so much. It was like one of 
those guilty pleasures, something that you love but that you feel you shouldn’t. After the second night co-sleeping together, I reluctantly made the decision that once a week Liam was going to stay in our bed. I wanted him to stay with us all the time, but my head was telling me that I was going to create bad habits and that we would never raise an independent child this way, and so I put some restrictions on our co-sleeping.
Safe to say, that one night turned into two nights very quickly, and within about a week and a half Liam had officially moved into our bed. With Liam sleeping in our bed, life was that much easier. Firstly, I was able to sleep for the first time! Liam had me up around 4-5 times a night most nights, and having to get up each time and comfort him in his cot was exhausting. My husband and I were against “sleep training” (ie. crying it out or control crying), and so settling Liam and getting him to fall asleep peacefully could at times take hours. Not only that, I often found myself waking up on my own and checking up on Liam even when he was sound asleep. There was never any peace without him by my side.
When Liam moved into our bed, the frequent waking and unsettled periods were 
drastically reduced. This may be in large part due to the discovery of breastfeeding in bed. That has to be one of the best things I came across in my breastfeeding journey. Suddenly night feeding really didn’t bother me at all, because I could lie down and rest too. What a breeze! Whenever Liam cried or was unsettled I would feed him, even if it was for 2 minutes. This settled him the best, and was no effort on my part. Sure, I was worried at times when I was feeding 6 times a night, but I knew that eventually it would pass. And it did, naturally, without any intervention.
Co-sleeping for me was so freeing. All those stupid rules that kept ringing in my head previously, like ‘don’t look into his eyes when putting him to sleep’, ‘don’t pick him up’, ‘don’t rock him’, finally disappeared. There were no more rules. Finally, I could do what felt natural to me. I could breastfeed Liam when he cried, I could caress his face when he was unsettled, I could hold him close when he was cold and I could kiss his beautiful forehead when he was asleep. Co-sleeping truly changed my relationship and connection with my baby, my understanding of Liam, and my whole parenting philosophy. Through co-sleeping I finally learnt what I should have known all along – to parent from the heart.
First cuddle of the morning
21 months into my parenting journey and we remain a (partial) co-sleeping family. Liam sleeps in his cot for naps, and also goes down in his cot at night. He is then transferred into our bed sometime during the night when he wakes up (he still wakes up once a night usually). If he hasn’t woken up by the time we go to sleep, one of us usually transfers him into our bed anyway. Nothing beats cuddles in bed in the morning!
I am often asked when Liam will move into his cot/bed full time. Honestly, I have no answer. We all enjoy co-sleeping so much, and so for us there is no need to rush him out of our bed. When Liam is ready for his independence and his own private space, I’m sure he will find his way to his room. In the meantime, if another baby comes along, we will just have to buy a bigger bed!
* For more information about safe co-sleeping and its benefits, please visit the following websites:
http://cosleeping.nd.edu
http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/9261495/?i=2&from=/18046747/related
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/9346985/?i=5&from=/18046747/related
